Hi. My name is Julie and I’m 15. I have struggled with self esteem issues and depression for as long as I can remember. I thought no one loved me. No one cared. I cried a lot at night.

When I looked into the mirror, I hated what I saw. Every zit on my face was magnified. Not only did I not feel beautiful, I never heard it. Well, not from the people I wanted to hear it from. My mom and grandma would say it all the time, but it just didn’t make a difference. I wanted to hear it from a guy at school … or even my dad. My parents divorced when I was 9 and I always felt like it was my fault. Maybe if I acted differently my mom wouldn’t have kicked out my dad. I haven’t seen him in a few years. My mom says he is in Europe. I think she is lying.

I know she does things to try and protect me, but she just makes things worse. Doesn’t she know I need to see him? I don’t get it. At least I didn’t then. I learned that my biggest problem was blaming others for how I felt. That wasn’t easy. I blamed my mom and there were times I hated her. I guess I didn’t hate but I hated how I felt and it was easy to blame her for it. I mean, if she just would have tried, her and my dad would still be together.

One night I couldn’t take being around her and I went and stayed with my best friend for the weekend. Cindy has always been there for me and even though we stayed up late laughing and telling stories, like I always do, I woke up early on a Saturday morning. I felt different in Cindy’s house. It was calm. It was peaceful. I didn’t feel stressed. I loved that!

In the kitchen was her mom starting to make breakfast for everyone. No one else was up and I went and sat on a bar stool. I hadn’t really ever talked to Cindy’s mom before. You know, REALLY talked. I just sat there. Without saying anything she slid over a mug of hot chocolate to me. I LOVE hot chocolate!! How did she know?!?! After a few sips and feeling warm inside she asked how I was. I said, “Good … I guess.” That caught her attention. After some gentle coaxing, I just broke down. I told her how unhappy I was, how ugly I felt and how no one cared about me.

She stopped cooking, turned off the stove and came over to me and took my hand and told me it was okay. I thought “It’s okay?!?!? Is she crazy?!?! I feel like #$%# and she is telling me it is okay?!?!? Get me out of here!” She then looked at me and said, “You know, being a teenager and especially a girl teenager sucks!” That made me laugh. She went on to cover all of my fears. That I wasn’t pretty enough for the guys at school that I liked. That I wasn’t wearing the right clothes, or I had the right clothes but was wearing them the wrong way. That I would end up being alone just like my mom.  That was my biggest fear.

Just as our conversation was getting good, we could hear the rest of the family waking up. She wiped away my tears and said she wanted to give me something that would help me. She gave me a book. A book! Give me a break. I hate reading. I took it and went upstairs.

When I got upstairs I looked at it, “Redefining Beautiful: What God Sees When God Sees You”. I didn’t even go to church and didn’t have a strong belief in God, so there was no way I was going to read this. Just as I was about to put it on the bookshelf, I heard Cindy’s voice behind me. “That book really helped me Julie, if you want, we can read it together today.”

I said okay, and that was a defining moment for me. A true life changer.

I don’t “connect” with books but I did with this one. It was almost like it knew me and knew what I was going through, especially with not having my dad at home. If Cindy’s mom or Cindy just told me things in the book I would have just shrugged them off. I had to read it and you do too. Write down your experiences just like I did and you will understand what it really means to be beautiful. I feel that now like I never have.

My relationship with my mom isn’t perfect, but it is a lot better. I also know what true beauty is … and it isn’t from PhotoShop!!!

Like to read? I do and this is a great book to read!!
Redefining Beautiful: What God Sees When God Sees You